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PRESS YOUR LUCK WITH THE BEST CASINO JOKES. The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.
After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The bartender once again pondered the bet.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us. THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD How bad is it you ask? So bad, THAT My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
A blondie goes to the casino A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk. She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude.
The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?
Too many cheetahs. A man is panhandling outside a casino in Las Vegas He approaches a well-dressed couple, thinking they have some cash, and says, "Please, could you spare ten dollars?
You see, my wife is sick and needs an operation. In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory. At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.
A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.
The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil Thanks to COVID both churches and casinos have closed When heaven and hell both agree on something, you know it's serious!
A high roller. I lost pounds. Never going to another British casino again The Lucky Frog A man goes golfing and notices a frog in the green at the first hole.
He turns back to his ball and prepares to swing a A Southern minister began preaching to his congregation about sin "I know you've sinned, brothers, I want to hear you confess your sins so that you may be forgiven.
Tell it all, brothers, tell it all! I been going out on Friday nights and drinkin' with my sorry friends. A girl named Jennie went to the casino.
J-J-J-Jennie and the Bets. How do you get out of a casino as a millionaire? You go in as a billionaire. What do you call a dressed up yeti at the casino?
A tie bettin' yeti. What's the Difference between a Casino and a Strip Club You actually have a chance of getting screwed at the casino. How do you win 1 million dollars at the casino?
Start with 5 billion. How has Donald Trump managed to bankrupt so many casinos? He hits on anything twelve or higher.
A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute.
So, he asks her. You must be nuts, no way. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a res After having his balls whipped in Casino Royale, everyone in MI6 bullied Agent by saying that he's been demoted to Agent A man dies and goes to hell He is standing there terrified when the devil shows up.
Do you like gambling? One armed Billionaire walked into the Casino. He puts a few million dollars on the blackjack table and wins every hand for 2 hours.
The pit boss walks over and says "Oh my God A man goes to a casino He stays there the whole day and he's always losing. The next day he comes once again and loses everything.
The third day he does the same and the dealer asks him what his job was so he could afford to lose so much money and he says that earning money has to do with personality.
He says: "I for exam A man is driving to work A man is driving to work. The man is a bit perplexed but decides to ignore it and carry on with his day.
Why do fat people lose so much at casino tables? Because whenever they are out of chips they always grab more. Just found out my wife's credit card was stolen!
They are spending it all on jewellery and casinos! But I wouldn't report it because they are spending less than my wife. They just built a steakhouse on the second floor of the casino The steaks have never been higher.
He immediately heads for the roulette table and slams it all down on red The roulette wheel spins Just like that, he loses all of his money.
He walks over to the Casino Manager and begs him for an alternative method of payment so he can continue My wife thinks I care more about gambling than our kids.
That isn't true at all. I am going to stay in this casino until I win our son's tuition back to prove it. What do you call it when a womanizing casino mogul is in the White House?
Two vice presidents. When I asked for an update, they said they are still dealing with it. The house always wins.
Except in the Trump casino. The lucky frog I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day.
As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance.